Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Death Day

I know a lot of people are skeptical, but I don't care.  I have a touch of the fae.  I have sensed spirts around me all my life.  Last night I was laying in bed reading and all of a sudden I could smell my Dad all around me.  He was a Pall Mall non-filter chain smoker and his hands always smelled richly of nicotine.  This happens to me from time to time so I wasn't really surprised.  What surprised me is that I suddenly realized it was May 12th (it was after midnight), my dad died 23 years ago on May 12th.  He came to see me. 

It was so hard on me when he died.  I was Daddy's little girl and he spoiled me rotten.  He died 8 days before my 16th birthday.  One of the things I got for my birthday was a new dress to wear to his funeral.  It's not as morbid as it sounds; I really wanted the dress and begged Mom to buy it for that occasion.  I just always felt cheated.  The number one thing is that my Dad lost his life, he had just turned 50 and was way too young to die.  Then there was the fact that 16 is such a milestone.  It's all about getting your license and turning 'Sweet 16'.  That memory will always be shrouded in pain, on the other hand I guess being excited about my license did help...a little anyway. I was able to take some of my focus away from the devastating loss to getting my license and being able to drive alone for the first time.

I still miss my Dad everyday of my life.

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