Thursday, September 1, 2011

fear and loathing in Lex Vegas

On Friday April 13, 2007 I was asleep when someone kicked my back door in. I worked the night shift at the time, and around 11 AM I heard a noise and felt the house shake. I thought my Mom had fallen.  I jumped up and yelled for her and she didn't answer.  I opened a door and walked into the kitchen noticed out the window the car and her purse were gone.  So I walked through the dining room into the living room and saw someone opening my front door and running away.  Now let me add I was in my panties and NOTHING else.  I went immediately into shock.  It was so weird I didn't scream or anything.  I walked quietly into my bedroom and put my robe on.  Walked around the house in a state of confusion not knowing what to do next.  You'd think my first instinct would be 911, but like I said, I went into shock because I felt numb, I didn't react at all.  I was actually debating whether to call the police or not and I walked into my kitchen and looked out toward the mud room and saw the door off the hinges.  That's when I called 911.  The police were here almost immediately.  Had the K9 unit, the whole 9.  I answered all the questions and still no emotion whatsoever.  My Mom pulled up in the car jumped out and asked me what happened.  That is when I broke. I was a basket case for a while jumping at every noise and scared to be here alone at night, even though this happened in bright daylight.  There was a string of break-ins in the neighborhood after that and they were eventually caught.

So what this story is leading up to is this, I'm working 3rd shift in a convenience store.  I am freaking terrified all the time.  I told my manager that the next hours that opened up I wanted them.  Someone was let go and now I'm going to 2nd. A guy was hired and the very week he was supposed to take over 3rd he quit.  So now I have to wait until she finds someone else and then add another 2 weeks for training.  I am working half 2nd and half 3rd now because we are down a person.  I am FINE the days I wake up and am on 2nd.  Good mood and don't mind going to work.  On days like today when I wake up and have 3rd looming over me I wake up with a pit in my stomach and have this huge sense of dread ALL day.  I have to take Xanax just to get there and be able to function.  Every time I feel like I'm going to be ok, I wake up on a 3rd day and it happens all over again. I spend every night wondering if this will be the night that some crazy crack head or tweaker comes in and puts a gun in my face. 

That idiot didn't get to steal any of my possessions that day, but he did get something that was much more valuable.  My sense of security.  It really changed me.  I was so lucky that nothing more happened, that the boy heard me and ran out the door.  Jesus, it could have been so much worse.  I have to get ready for work now, please pray for me.

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